I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
