Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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