you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
