I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
