meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Hippo gnu deer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
