i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
