Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I see more hoeing in ur future
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