Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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