Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
