thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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