Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
