Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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