i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My penis needs a shock collar
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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