I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
