i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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