It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
