Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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