Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
