I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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