the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
