my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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