i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
