If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
