I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
