Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
