he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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