I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
