Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
