The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
