You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
