no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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