Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
