i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
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I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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