I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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