also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
