conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
