please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
