I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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