its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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