How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
