We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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