I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
