Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Never joke about your clitoris.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
