i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
