I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
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...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
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I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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