i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
