a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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