hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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