i just wanna soil my oats bro
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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