He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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