jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
