Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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