i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
