I faked an abortion last night.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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