i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Randomize
