He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
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The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize