Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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