So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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