make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
