Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
