My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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