do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
