Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
