The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
