I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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