this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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