no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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