He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
