I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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