I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
