Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
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When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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