Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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