This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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