ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
