remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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