It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
