Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
