in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
