you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
