He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
