i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
