My hand turned me down
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
